I John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.

What brings the deepest satisfaction to a man or woman?

To know that they are loved in return.

It is one thing to love, and to give love, but to have that love returned brings great contentment. We share great joy with the newly engaged couple that is bursting forth with shared love. It is time to celebrate! The bride exclaims, “I have found the one who loves me in return!” The groom proclaims, “I have found the one who has deemed me honorable and trustworthy. She has chosen me above all other men, and her love is singularly towards me!”

I am reminded of a child’s game. You send a note to the one you like the best. They are to check the appropriate box, Yes or No. Do you like me in return? We are so programmed to love and to be loved. Our Heavenly Father made us in His image and He exudes LOVE.

I had a dream last week of a very handsome couple with two children. They had come to me for help concerning their marriage. She was sullen and withdrawn. He was concerned, and inquisitive as to why she was not responding to him as she once had. The children seemed to be on the peripheral of it all. They were not really apart of what was going on, sort of on autopilot. The husband had loved and she had loved in return in the beginning, but this had waned over the course of seven years of marriage and two children. He still loved her but his efforts were not what they were as during their courtship. He didn’t woo her anymore.

There is a remedy for this problem that sometimes arises in marriage. It is found within the guidelines of scripture.

Ephesians 4:22-33
Wives submit to your husbands as to the LORD. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his on body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. For this reason a man, will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

A woman and a man will respond with a reckless abandoned love when truly one is loved and loved in return. It is a safe place within the marriage covenant and the marriage bed is undefiled. Your children also recognize and feel the security and sense the peace that comes from this beautiful union between their parents.


Nate and I had been married about seven years when I began thinking about this passage of scripture. I remember being naïve concerning the power in this passage. I was thinking why is it that the woman has to submit and the husband has so little to do? I will never forget saying this to my sister-in-law Becky. She gently set my thinking straight. She said, oh Jan, the husband has a great deal more of the responsibility. He is to love as Christ loves us. Laying his life down for his bride as Christ did for his beloved church. It became an understood word to me. It had become a rhema word or revealed word. When the husband freely gives of himself to his wife she openly gives herself in return. He does not lord over her in a demanding way. On the contrary he serves her. The wives response is to give in submission as to the LORD. It is a beautiful mystery, a beautiful symphony of giving and receiving. I said this statement recently about my husband.” I know that he would literally lay his life down for me.” There is no question of his covering me with his love.

What does this holy union do for me? It washes me clean, makes me holy, and presents me radiant, without stain or blemish. How many times do we make the statement about the newly married bride, She is radiant! That is because she is! It is a beautiful mystery of the holy union between a man and a woman.

Submission brings beauty to the woman of God.
I Peter 3:5-6
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham, following his guidance and acknowledging his leadership over her by calling him lord, master, leader, and authority.
In conclusion to the dream, I remember dancing a waltz with the handsome gentleman. I shared the wisdom of love for his marriage and it gave him great hope. He kissed either side of my cheeks and I embraced his beautiful bride of seven years and kissed her cheeks. They left as a family reunited with hope for their future. They would follow the way of wisdom and His perfect love.

In the dream, I remember seeing a large sketchpad with a breathtaking portrait of a bride adorned for her husband, but with splotches on her gown. This I believe is a depiction of humanity. Desiring relationship and so desperate to be loved in return, but settling for less.

(Post Script: Tomorrow 10-14-09 Nate and I will have been married 31 years.)