This is an excerpt from my journal written March 21, 1994

As I interceded today, the LORD showed me a vision of myself at age 15. I saw myself in an old dirty store across the street from my high school. I had skipped a few classes and was hanging out with friends from school. This was a popular place to skip classes. This particular day the dean of the school had come over to search for wayward students. I remember very clearly running into the girl’s restroom and crouching in the corner. I was discovered and taken back to school to face the consequences of my actions.

The LORD showed me that this was the root, or the beginning of my rebellion. I confessed the sin of rebellion and was forgiven. The next thing I remember seeing is the blood of Jesus covering me and washing me whiter than snow. I felt clean, and pure in heart. I saw myself walking out of that store with Jesus. I was changed. I was radiant.
Praise God for his deliverance and inner healing.

Psalm 51:7
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow.

Jesus spoke these words to me:

I have washed you whiter than snow. You are clean before me. Now that this rebellion has been uprooted from your heart you will be able to serve me with an undivided heart. You can walk in purity and uprightness of heart, free from any manipulation. I desire more from you, more praise, worship, intercession, waiting in my presence,and a greater sense of who I am in your life. You have been set free from bondage, a spiritual bondage. Rejoice your chains have been broken off. You are free. You are lighter in heart. Rejoice before me with singing and with dance. You will be healed, as you are obedient to this word. Shout and rejoice you were a prisoner in the darkest of gloom, but my word and my blood have set you free.

I remember spending over an hour dancing, shouting, weeping and interceding after this visitation with the LORD. He is my Deliverer!

I have so much to be thankful for in my life. This is a piece of my life that was miraculously put back together by the grace of my LORD.

The one thing I remember about that day was the shame I felt. That is a terrible thing to live with. That was a period of about twenty years from high school to the time of this visitation. That is too long to live under the weight of shame. The enemy of my soul would have loved to see me stay in the bondage that I was under. He will do whatever it takes to thwart the plan that God has for his children. You see, as long as I am crippled emotionally, I cannot minister the grace and freedom to other people.

I was born again in 1981, thirteen years before this visitation. I was forgiven of all my sins that day in 1981, so why did I need more restoration?

I think sin fragments our soul. It wounds us deeply. I was forgiven yes, but not completely restored in my mind and emotions. The LORD is so faithful to do this work. I could have continued on the way I was, but not as effective.

Psalm 23:1-3
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

It is only the LORD who can do this internal restoration. I am not the same person I was thirty years ago, or even last year. The beauty of living in the kingdom of God is that He is always at work in my life.

The fruit of this is more passion to see the body of Christ completely whole.